Curveballs

Days go by quickly, yet so slow. I always feel like I have plenty of time to get things done but then the day is over and its time to go to bed. Sleep doesn't come terribly easy, my brain never shuts off. I get up several times to write on my list of things "to do." I am hoping that as time moves forward and I develop my new normal, I can set a routine that allows me to not feel so frantic. 

Nobody plans for things to knock you down. Well, thats a lie. I tend to plan for the worst and hope for the best. It drives people around me crazy. I'd rather plan for it not to go well and be pleasantly surprised when it goes off without a hitch. On the flip side of that, I try to find the positive in everything. "Energy Bus" it. I say that a lot, just not necessarily to myself. If I can get my brain to stop racing I can try to find the positive in the moment but anymore I tend to need to think about it for a while. 

2022 is a brand new beginning. The month of January was the worst, I plan on the rest of the year being better. In the 31 days of January, I tested positive for Covid on the 10th. I dont know first hand what its like to be drug behind a truck but I assume thats what it would feel like. I was miserable. On the 18th my Dad passed away, this was something we had been anticipating but you're never truly ready for the loss of anyone let alone a parent. And my divorce was final on the 25th. 17 years; done. Thats a whole different kind of loss to process. People ask me how I am and I reply with "I'm here," somedays thats an accomplishment in itself. Some days the phrase "keep the tiny humans alive" (Greys Anatomy pun) runs through my head. So as I sit here looking forward, I plan to make the most of what I have. Learn new things and be a better me. 

One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. 

This is my life and its messy but its mine to make it what I want it to be.