One Day At A Time.
One Hour At A Time.
One Minute At A Time.
I say this to myself all the time. I do not need to tackle everything all at once just what is in front of me, right now. Some days are harder than others. Some fly by with ease. The past 7 months have been nothing but hell.
I find myself just going through the motions. Get up, get kids ready, go to work, pick up kids, go home, bedtime routines for kids, go to sleep. Repeat. Days and days of the same routine, I couldn't tell you what happens in those days sometimes because Im literally like a zombie.
Processing the hows and whys of life can be daunting. I can find myself down that rabbit hole fairly quickly if I let myself. So I try to find the positive, Im re-reading The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon. I am the driver of my own bus, I have the power to control my ride, who I allow to ride with me and whether or not I skip that bus stop altogether. Bad attitudes and negative thoughts are like flat tires, they don't help me get anywhere. Its easy to sit and say "find the positive" there are many days this is hard and I struggle with even the simple things.
Im refocusing, what is important to me? What do I want to accomplish? Where do I want to go? I want to find what makes me happy for me, not because someone else is telling me to be happy. I've spent a lot of time with this thought. Its hard when you feel like you're in a never ending dark tunnel. Im trying to make a vision board, create a visual poster of things I want to accomplish and see the positive.
Since September 2021, I've divorced, both of my dogs died, my cars transmission went out, my Dad got sick and the ER doctor told me it was my fault, and my Dad died. Any one of those are big things to process, let alone put them together. I keep telling myself I can do this. If it weren't for my kids I would have packed my bags and picked a direction to drive.
I've dove into music, my playlists are on almost constantly. Some days I find that music is the only way I can describe how Im truly feeling. I can't put to words most days what I am feeling. New music, old music, music I have been suggested. ALL. OF. IT. Some days it's more empowering music, other days it's deep in the feelings. Some days it's just good ol' throwbacks. I've jumped back into all my Emo music, Dashboard Confessional, New Found Glory, Something Corporate, Mest, The Used, My Chemical Romance. But I can easily go from that to Megan the Stallion, Eminem, Garth Brooks, Miranda Lambert, Billie Eillish, Post Modern Jukebox. Limp Bizkit, Coolio, DMX, Backstreet Boys. ALL. OF. IT. Im that person that you never know what the next song is going to be.
Trying to find joy in the things I used to enjoy but found my way from has been hard. I am the type of person who always thinks I need to be doing something but can waste so much time doing nothing at the same time. Im trying to prioritize what I want to accomplish.
I struggle daily with what this looks like but all I can do is take one day, one hour, one minute at a time.
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